The Battle

My apology for the silence. The past few weeks were really hard. Coping with nausea, moodiness, cramps, extreme fatigue and everything else was an intense experience. I wasn't really my usual self. One minute I was in the pool swimming but you can find me in bed for two days straight the next day. It was crazy how my body is a big drama queen!

I ran in and out of the loo to either take a leak or vomit about hundred times a day. I forbid Da-da from using the bathroom as I hate how the shampoo smells on him. I kicked him out of bed while I was asleep. If I found out he wasn't on it, I'll cry and wondered if he really loves me. It was really bad! I kept thinking 'isn't pregnancy suppose to be wonderful?' It was a complete emotional downturn. Just about everything in the world is absolutely wrong in my eyes.

By 9th week, extreme fatigue kept me away from positivity. I felt tired in the morning, afternoon, evening and late at night. Going to sleep is a nightmare and waking up is a hard work. Staying awake at work is no fun at all. My creativity level dropped to zilch. Not really a surprise if I can't even remember where I put my glasses 5 seconds after I put it on the nightstand. Everything I do is spelled discomfort. I didn't have energy and was dehydrated from the heat exhaustion. At one point, I had enough of everything and locked myself in the loo and cried. Did I tell you my body was a drama queen?

I'm very thankful to have Da-da around. He helps me put my feet up and tuck me in to sleep. Get me a bottle of Coke in the pouring rain, do all the house chores and put up with my ridiculous mood. Not even a single complaint. Your Atuk and Mak Long spoiled me with their cooking. I can't bear the pain of my first trimester (and my twisted mind) without them.

10 weeks 5 days, I had a little bleeding which scares me to death. Soaked the bed the entire night thinking about you. But Dr. Delaila assured me that it's practically normal. The following week found me in an even messier condition. I've practically turned myself into a doormat. Just last Friday, I was given two bottles of drip as Dr. Harmeet (my panel doctor) saw me barely standing straight. My concerns of you washed away all fears for needles! It was really painful plus I was alone and scared and Da-da was busy with his congress. But I'll do anything to see you healthy in my tummy. It was the longest 2 hours on the stretcher with the saline drip flowing into my vein.

For the first time in my life, I appreciate how your Atuk battles every pain for me.

mommy xxx